frazer ranted:

So Christmas is finally over. The No1 slot in the charts was fought our between some fuckwit from X-Factor and another band that nobody could pronounce the name of. The latter played their sentimental dribble at a house party I attended in the summer and the singer tried it on with my girlfriend - I should have decked him when I had the chance. So visions of eggs riding around in JCBs got me thinking about a new Photoshop competition for the New Year*.

Pimp My (Mums) Ride

We need you to get your best Tim Westwood hat on and create a vehicle for crazymum to travel in. It can be anything from pogosticks nailed through her feet to a mighty Gin Juggernaut. The more ridiculous the transport the better. Pimp it out with anything you think the 'mum may need - syringe trays, wasp holders etc.Post your results in the forum and win some tasty crazymum stickers.

*I also remembered that I never announced a winner of the previous competition. Well done beef_manifolds for this inspired image depicting "Animals on drugs"

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frazer ranted:

well i guess its that time of the year when children are hoping the greatest guy in the universe will appear down their chimney....

Mr T and Nancy

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frazer ranted:

Forget buying children an AIBO or robosapien this christmas. This year the must-have present has to be the

Shitting Robot Duck

Invented in 1739 by Jacques de Vaucanson, this delightful automaton eats corn, quacks and shits for the entertainment of the entire family.

Surely these 3 basic functions qualify this as one sciences greatest achievements.

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frazer ranted:

29 facts about Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from darkside-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris doesnt see dead people. He makes people dead.

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Alex commented: Chuck Norris is a supreme bad ass!!!叵叩

ants commented: I ammmmmmm insulted. My father deserves respect. 叵叩Chucky is a brick, he has paid his dues and deserves 叵叩better. Please retract the 29 faulsities about my 叵叩Father.叵叩Sincerley叵叩Jim (Iggy) Pop AKA Jiggy

matt commented: all of the facts have been stolen from the random fact 叵叩generator at 4q.cc (i thinks). shame on you

Jessy commented: this is an offending film to women but you gotta admit it 叵叩is kinda funny

kyle commented: if youre really his son/daughter you need to shut the 叵叩hell up you fag. this is hilarious and not that offending.叵叩叵叩Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded 叵叩to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then 叵叩drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because 叵叩hes Chuck Norris.叵叩叵叩^good stuff

T commented: this kicks the shit outta random vin diesel facts

hayley commented: :-o ABUSE!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

hayley commented: wow chuck shall be respected

gabby commented: he is a stupid ass

dfdfsdfsadf commented: how is he a stupied ass

cjsparkle commented: what a domb ass whole he is a jerk

alexandria commented: i think that that Chuck Norris is really cool and no one, 叵叩and I mean no one should make fun of him,call him a 叵叩stupid ass or say any thing about him or else you are a 叵叩fucking asshole

Ringette_gal commented: he a dumb stupid ass whole jerk ward

Chuck Norris commented: Im gonna roundhouse kick all of you叵叩叵叩http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com

kaytlin commented: It is stupid and fucken sick u ass hole treat women 叵叩with love not like crap

d commented: when chuck norris jumps in the water, he doesnt get 叵叩wet, the water gets chuck norris

The Voice of Reason. commented: Chuck Norris sucks, I dont need stupid assholes tellin me they叵e gonna hit me, Id fucking rip their teeth out. Im not offended. But NEVER threaten叵叩me, dumbass, Im a professional fighter. *ehem*. Au revoir. (And I enjoy being an asshole.)

YUR name! commented: WEHEHEH LMFAO.......

Mike Smith commented: in jurassic park the jeep wasnt running from the t-rex, The t-rex and the jeep were running from an angry Chuck norris who wanted to use the bathroom叵叩but had found it smashed by the t-rex.

pimp commented: What a Bitch

pimp commented: I do not treat my Bitch like that and I`m a pimp my 叵叩name is even pimp whats up with that?

jessasg commented: 鴈蠂� 賝魛鍎嚦瘔黟譇襜� 1vstvipsone

frazer ranted:

The results are in for the supermodify crazymum photoshop competition and we have a winner. Boyle created this wonderful supermod below...

The rest of the entries were good, but half of you muppets didnt post as registered members and were therefor disqualified (how are we supposed to contact you to tell you if you won?)
So Boyle - your stickers are in the post!

now its time for

Novembers Photoshop Competition

This time the theme is

Animals on drugs!

Whether its squirrels getting high on crack, giving LSD to goats , stoned spiders attempting to spin webs or simply forcing cosmetics into rabbits eyes, animals and drugs are a hilarious combination. We want you to photoshop the effects of administering large quantities of mind altering sustances to helpless animals, and post it here. If there is a background story to your drug / animal combination then post that as well.

Winner will be announced on the 1st of December and will recieve some crazymum goodies (probably another sticker pack unless I can come up with anything better!)

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frazer ranted:

found at my local chinese supermarket...

...yummy!

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frazer ranted:

WASPS ON DRUGS

HM Drugwasp inspecting confiscated stash yesterday

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frazer ranted:

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